Who are you when no one is watching?

It's a strange question that tends to produce honest answers, partly because it's unexpected and people relax into it rather than rehearsing. The person you are when alone — bored, idle, off-duty, not performing for anyone — is the person your partner will mostly live with. Not the version at dinner parties or work events or even on dates. The version at 9pm on a Tuesday, when nothing particular is happening and the phone has been put away. That's the daily reality. Pay attention to how the question lands. People who have a rich, interesting private life — who do things when unobserved that they find genuinely meaningful — bring that texture to a relationship. People who are only really fully themselves in the presence of others are harder to be alone with, because the quiet moments between peaks of activity tend to feel flat. Neither is better or worse as a human being. They are, however, quite different to live with.