Performing the version of yourself you think they want

It's exhausting from the inside and detectable from the outside. When someone is performing a version of themselves, the conversation has a slightly managed quality — the opinions are a little too calibrated, the stories a little too smooth, the humor a little too reliable. The person watching can't always name what's off, but something registers. Authenticity has a texture that performance doesn't quite replicate. More importantly, whoever shows up on date one is implicitly the person they're agreeing to date two with. If the person on date one isn't really you, the relationship that follows isn't really yours — it's a relationship between your date and a character you played for an evening. That character has to be maintained indefinitely, which is both exhausting and doomed. Calibrate down slightly. Be more honest than feels comfortable. Share the opinion you actually hold. Show the sense of humor you actually have. The person who responds well to the real version is the only one worth finding.